At Youku Buzz Steven Lin (aka flypig) translates from a Xiao Shenyang skit.
Lin introduces Xiao Shenyang so:
Who the hell is Xiao Shenyang (or Little Shenyang)? How did he become a nation-wide phenomenon overnight? … For most laowai, it’s difficult understanding Xiao Shenyang’s skit: Hey, he’s nothing but a tasteless and creepy gender-bender, right?
For those who don’t know who he is, Xiao Shengyang, together with his teacher, Zhao Benshan, performed what was considered the best xiaopin (comic skit) at this year’s Spring Festival Gala.
Lin’s translation from the video of BTV’s Spring Festival Gala, from 1:00 to 2:35, is reprinted below with the translator’s permission:
It’s my turn now. Maybe my appearance has surprised lots of dear friends [what he calls his audience]. A man like me will probably baffle you guys. Hoa~ [his iconic interjection].
Actually, when I was a child, I looked quite pretty, dear friends. My mom still praises me nowadays, “Son, don’t be pissed off because people say you’re ugly. You were the prettiest when you were a kid. Moms know best. Every time I took you to the park, many people gathered around, asking: “Auntie, where did you find this monkey?!’”
This doesn’t matter, dear friends. I just look like a monster. A real monster. I would meet with strange comments everywhere. Pia~ pia~ de [his other iconic interjection].
But sometimes I was lucky in love. The other day, with my little bag, dear friends… As you know, I come from Northeastern China [Dongbei], somewhere near Shenyang… with my little bag, I was walking on the street. Pia~ pia~ de. I was walking. Pia~ pia~ de. As I was walking, a girl came up to me, who looked quite outstanding, and quite pretty. She as about 17 or 18, and excitedly asks me, “Bro, are you the guy who performs in the ‘Er Ren Zhuan’ (二人转, ‘two-person act’)? The guy named ‘Xiao Shenyang’?” I responded: “Yeah. So?” “Bro, every time I look at you, I think that I see the sea.”
How sweet she was, dear friends! That was the first time I was praised as ‘the sea’! I was so happy! I asked, “Do you like me? Are you falling in love with me?” This girl’s answer was so irritating. “Bro, please don’t misunderstand me,” she said, “I have seasick problems. When I see the sea, I just throw up…”
For more on errenzhuan see this article.