In a stunning piece of spurious pseudo-science, the China News Service tells us that the Chinese are better at controlling their emotions than Western people because of the greater volume of “dehydrogenation enzymes” in their brain. Apparently, an international study of piss artists has revealed that the Chinese have more of those pesky enzymes in their livers when they are drunk, which, apart from giving them the ability to drink more baijiu, also makes them more capable of being modest.
After all, the article explains, Chinese people just don’t show off their wealth like Westerners. “Not only are most Chinese inclined to hide their wealth, they even insist they do not have money.”
We humbly submit that even if it is true, such shrinking violetry has less to do with Confucius, Qin Shihuang or dehydrogenation and more to do with the fact that the wealthy are worried about being investigated by the authorities. However, considering the way that the nouveaux riches from the sticks wave around their wads of cash in Shanghai jewelry stores, one suspects that the article is, in fact, bollocks.