A screwball video advertisement about a fertilizer supplement called Jinkela (金坷垃 “golden clumps”) has been getting laughs on the Chinese Internet lately.
Jinkela is billed as an American technological breakthrough that can substantially improve fertilizer potency and increase crop yields. In the advert, an American distributor comes across two customers, an African and a Japanese, who each have a reason to want the product.
The African argues that African agriculture is backward and therefore needs more assistance from the international community. The Japanese says that Jinkela will help his resource-poor country achieve food independence. The American, afraid that American exports might be hurt once the Japanese no longer need to import grain, decides to give Jinkela to the African.
A rough transcript (no attempt has been made to preserve the rhymes or crazy accents of the original):
Japanese (R), African (F), and American (M)
R, F: Jinkela! Jinkela! It’s ours! Ours!
M: What are you trying to do?
R, F: Jinkela! Jinkela! It’s ours! Ours!
F: I want Jinkela! African agriculture is underdeveloped. We need to use Jinkela!
R: I want Jinkela! Japan lacks resources. We need to use Jinkela!
R, F: Jinkela! Mine! Mine!
F: Mine, dammit!
M: No fighting! What are the advantages of Jinkela? I’ll give it to whoever gets it right.
F: Add Jinkela. It won’t run off or evaporate. No waste!
R: Add Jinkela. Absorb NPK from two meters down!
F: World fertilizer prices are going up. Add Jinkela! One bag is worth two!
R: Use Jinkela for millet and get 1,800 jin per mu. Japan no longer needs to rely on American imports for its grain! Hahaha!
M: (thinking) Clever devil! If I give him the Jinkela, it’s a threat to American agriculture. No way am I giving it to him.
M: African agriculture is underdeveloped. We need to aid them. Don’t even think about getting the Jinkela, Japan.
R: Sneaky! What will happen to our crops without Jinkela? Jinkela!!!
The commercial has struck a chord with Chinese netizens, who have produced an auto-tuned dance remix, Photoshopped images, and cartoons like the one at right:
first panel:
American: Jin-X-la! Don’t even think about it, Japan!
Emayrayka Shengdiyagou [parodying the accent used in the commercial]
Hahahaha!
second panel
Japanese: America! Damn it! [a Chinese transliteration of the Japanese pronunciation of ]
What now? I can’t ask China for it… (bites handkerchief)
Chinese: Hmm? Are you calling for me, Japan?
But wait — there’s more!
Although this advertisement (also on Tudou) is less manic than the viral video described above, it contains a number of extraordinary claims:
- The American Shengdiyage International Agriculture Group (美国圣地亚哥国际农业集团) is headquartered within a jungle guarded by 5,000 special forces troops that is a must-visit destination for prospective presidential candidates;
- “Earl William, president of Shengdiyage, enjoys a reputation equal to that of the US president, and in every election, whoever Shengdiyage supports becomes the front-runner”;
- “One tiny atomic bomb transformed the entire direction of the Second World War. One golden grain of Jinkela has accelerated agriculture development throughout the entire world”;
- “In the ranks of America’s top-secret information, Jinkela and nuclear weapons are tied for first place”;
- 80 rare minerals combined through a supercomputer-controlled process and refined at 30,000 degrees;
- The ingredients that go into 1 kg of Jinkela are worth more US$ 5 million;
- “Jinkela has allowed 68 countries to achieve agricultural modernization 5 years early”;
- “Every day, 3,000 trains, 1,000 ships, and 500 airplane flights loaded with Jinkela depart American Shengdiyage International Agriculture Group for 129 countries around the world.”
Watch more Jinkela ads on Tudou
The same company sells a pesticide that has its own series of wacky adverts. Here’s one with vampires.
- 3456 Agriculture Commercials (Chinese): American Shengdiyage International Agriculture Group homepage
- Hachi Echo (Chinese): Jinkela cartoon
- Jinkela on Baidu Baike